Wednesday, June 29, 2005

A Message To the Terrorists

We fight today because terrorists want to attack our country and kill our citizens - and Iraq is where they are making their stand. So we will fight them there.
We will fight them here.
We will fight them anywhere.

We will fight them in a house.
We will fight them with a mouse.
We will fight them on a boat.
We will fight them with a goat.

We will fight them in the rain.
We will fight them on a train.
We will fight them in a box.
We will fight them with a fox.

We will fight them in a tree.
We will not let them be.
We will fight them with from afar.
We will fight them in a car.

We will fight them in a heap.
We will fight them in our sleep.
We will fight them wearing pink.
We will fight them while we drink.

We will fight them on the floor.
We will fight them at the store.
We will fight them while we smile.
We will fight them till it goes out of style.

And then we’ll bomb France.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

One of those Days

Today is one of those days where I am just crippled by my fear of terrorists. So I pretty much plan on spending my day cowering under the covers and listening to the soothing assurances of Sean Hannity.

But here's a random observation to get you through the day. Treblinka would have been a pretty cool name for a girl, if the Nazi's hadn't ruined it with their death camp shenanigans. Treblinka.

Otherwise, maybe I'll be up for blogging tomorrow. But then again maybe the terrorists will have gotten me. Or maybe I'll have drowned in the bathtub. All kinds of shit could happen between now and then.

Monday, June 20, 2005

The Sky is Falling!!! The Sky is Falling!!!

Well, I had a shitty flu encumbered weekend of congestion, headaches, coughing and fatigue. I don't know about you, but I really hate being sick. I don't at all recognize the positive aspects of being ill. Maybe we'll just never see eye-to-eye on this. Well, that's cool. We can agree to disagree. To me, being sick just isn't very fun. And if it's alright with you, I'm gonna stick with that opinion.

I've been thinking a lot lately. Like you know, Bush is really a lot like Hitler. And it turns out that in other countries, what they call football, is really just soccer. And like, the only people we ever really bother to hate are the people that we feel don't love us enough, you know? And remember when people used to think Seinfeld was all hip and edgy and morally repugnant? It all seems so quaint now. As innocent as Forrest Gump. There's nothing I hate more than racism, sexism, and homphobia. I wish I had more money, but I know it's not the answer to everything. And there's nothing I like better than dipping my magnificent wang in a warm moist vagina. I know it's trite, but children really are the future. If I could get rid of any color, it would be yellow. I really like a nice dirty martini, but sometimes I like a 40 of Colt 45 too, and I really do drink my Jack straight when I can, but sometimes I mix it with Coke. And am I the only one who thinks that sweet young girl Katie Holmes would be better off dead than married to that douchebag Tom Cruise?

But enough introspection and wisdom friends, while we ponder life in its infinite meanings, there are things we must do, and things we must be on record opposing, lest we someday suffer the quizzical rebuke of future generations. There are things we must inform ourselves about, be pissed off about, and react to according to our consciences. That list of things begins here and here.